Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Angelique Imani: Reporting From Life #2

("Phenomenal Woman" --by DementdPrncess--www.deviantart.com)

Hello darlings,

Here I am once again, reporting from life. Quick check in... this weekend was a little hard for me. I apparently ended a friendship of a few years over a lack of proper communication and my plans with a dude I like were cancelled *sigh*.  High points of the weekend included a nice brunch on Saturday with friends and the besty coming over and sparking an intense convo about having an existential crisis at the quarter century mark of our lives. I have some unique friends....LoL.

This week's theme for the Revolution Ladies Night meeting is self worth. The words got me thinking. And it angers me almost that most of our lives we are on a search to find this when in fact, we should know it all along. Why do we need to validate ourselves through other people's perceptions? Through the attention of men? Through the praise of a teacher, boss or friend?

The answer is quite simple actually. We don't. 

We, as women, should know how amazingly beautiful, strong, special and important we are. God only made one of us....it is up to us to live life to our fullest potential.

Other people's opinions are irrelevant.

But the words self worth got me thinking about our romantic relationships and all that it entails. How their love can sometimes dictate our very emotions and how, in the worst case scenarios, that slight power can be abused. It got me thinking about how our own SELF worth can be affected by them not accepting us a person. You really have to ask yourself...is HE worth my self-worth?

"Our survival is not dependent upon the men in our lives; our survival is enhanced by them."
-Jada Pinkett Smith "Why I celebrate Mary" --Essence magazine- June 2007

My mother  always says I have to sacrifice certain things in order to make compromise if I want something solid with someone. Right? Compromise. It doesn't always work like that. In most of my relationships, I was expected to quote-inquote "compromise" with his wants and needs but sacrifice things I enjoyed or needed. Which took me back to trying to hide facets of myself in order to have a dude stick around. Some liked me better hood and some liked me better a nerd. And me thinking one part or the other, depending on the situation, was bad.... it made me feel that I must give that part of me they didn't like, up. Does that sound like compromise to you? That's what I thought. LoL

I would never ask anyone to change who or what they are for me. Instead, if I ever meet someone I can see myself with for good, I'd say:  "I love who and what you are, and if you feel it necessary for me to hold something back, then you are not loving who and what I am."

Compromise is NOT dictating the mannerisms or lifestyle of your significant other. It's not asking them to change. Its working AROUND the things you might not be so fond of because you love and respect them who they are so much that you want them happy and secure with their own personality and place in your life. THAT's compromise.

And in doing so, in living like this...by demanding the respect you deserve to be the person you are...that is acknowledging your self worth. "I am important enough and special enough to deserve the same respect and attention you expect from me."

A man or a woman ... A relationship should ENHANCE who you are and not define you completely. Don't depend on a man or woman to make you shine...nah....A relationship is merely another facet on the face of the shimmering and beautiful diamond that is YOU.

Word to Jada!

Love always,
Angelique Imani

If you or anyone you know is experiencing what you think is emotional or any other form of abuse, please take a look at the below link for some info.
Know what the signs are!!!!

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