R.I.P Rosalie, my dear friend.

It was a shock. to everyone. It all happened within the blink of an eye. "The Lords Beauty" as she liked to call herself was called home. Whether it be 20 years or a few months on knowing her, you would instantly fall in love with her. Not only was she beautiful but humble as well. Life is never fair and we're brought into situations and enviroments that we never asked for. Life is our teacher and all we can do is learn from the things that occur. Many people would be angered and blame God for the loss of a loved one. But I dont blame God.  On February 3rd 2010, her birthday the world lost a wonderful person. At first upon receiving the news I refused to believe it at first. I mean it was not that long ago that I saw her. But reality hit as I started to see peoples status's and reactions of the loss. I was filled with so many emotions. I was never too good with handling loss. I've lost a few people and its stood with me untill this very moment. I can not help to think to myself I should of done this, I should of said this, Why didn't I keep my promise? Why didn't I pick up the phone and call her? How could I be so sellfish with my own issues? When clearly she needed a friend. Was I a good friend to her? Did my words ever matter to her? Why?Why?Why?! I keep seeing her face in my head, I keep hearing her say "Hey mama, how are you? When are we gonna hang so you can visit me in my new apartment? Hows your sister and the baby doing, oh man I wanna have some of my own one day." I can not speak for anyone else who was her friend because I most likely cant amount up to the years of friendship she had with other people. But all I could think about was our bond. Almost every Sunday although battling with her own demons as we all do, she would come to church. Singing, praising lifting her hands. Bowing her head in prayer, going up to the alter for prayer. She would greet the pastors, We would always smile and wave at eachother in church either she or I would rush over to give eachother hugs. She would hug my mother to. And when she would hug me, she would hold on so tight, so very tight like she didnt want to let go. I shouldnt have let her go. There was one moment I would never forget after church...we sat at Castillos on Grand Street for like 2 hours eating and talking. And there was a moment she told me whats been going on, how she was in the hospital. How its been hard for her. How she's so tired. Her eyes looked so sad. And she cried to me. I held her hand and told her to trust in the Lord, there was nothing too BIG for God to handle. -sigh- I tell myself she fought as best as she could. Life is never easy, no one ever said it would be easy. Life is full of struggles and obstacles but thats when we turn to our family and friends and most important GOD. But all I am left right now is the image of her face in my head, the sound of her voice resounding over and over again in my mind and the touch of hugs that I will miss. Alot of people are hurting badly right now, more than anyone else will know. My pain I know can not amount to her families pain and her closest friends but still I am hurting to in my own way. I honestly don't know how to process this. I still feel like this is just a bad dream, that everyone is going to wake up. I know she was not perfect but no one is. I know she made bad choices in her life as we all do, I know she got caught up in the wrong things and let something else take over her life. Right now I just keep thinking that it's not fair. It is not fair. I'm upset , I'm sad, I'm angry because you have evil people who lurk and walk this earth and do NOT deserve life and are still here. But people who deserve a shot a second chance at life at starting over, redemption, saving....are taken away. Her death is hitting me hard because what she battled with I have two close ppl in my life battling with the same war. And I fear her fate will be theres. Lord this generation needs to be saved, they need to wake up LORD. Rosalie Jessica Roman, you will always be in my heart and there will not be a day that goes by where you will not be on my mind. I choose not to remember or speak about her faults but of all the wonderful memories. And thats how she should remain. She will forever be The Lords Beauty.
In loving memory of Rosalie Jessica Roman.