It's not the first time.

[Deviantart.com CONFORMITY By: Paranoyiqzz]

It's not the first time....

It's not the first time that I woke up in a cold sweat
Heart racing, ears ringing, mind racing
Tears falling down my face.

It's not the first time that i turned around to face the darkness
Hearing your voice call out my name
Searching for something that was never even there to begin with.

It's not the first time I faked a smile, to mask the pain
Hoping no one will be able to detect the true feelings that lie within.
And if I gave the slightest indication I'd laugh it away.

It's not the first time you look threw me
Transparent enough to see the person behind me
For a brief second given the slightest bit of hope that its me that you see.

It's not the first time I walk around aimlessly
No destination at all, just going where ever my tiny feet go
Miles and miles away but still at arms reach of you.

It's not the first time I've been hurt
Where my heart shatters like a china plate knocked over the shelf
And time stops , so I can see your face and remember every dimple birth mark and trace.

It's not the first time your memory haunts my thoughts
Where I tell myself over and over again you and I will never be
That I need to turn away and keep walking , don't stop

It's not the first time that I say It's not the first time
That I have to let you go.
-Cynthia.