Sunday, October 31, 2010

THANK YOU HEARTACHE

THIS IS A LETTER OF GRATITUDE. DO NOT MISCONSTRUED. THE WORDS YOU ARE ABOUT TO READ ARE RAW REAL AND UNCUT. A LETTER TO MY PAST, A LETTER TO THE HEARTACHES AND HEARTBREAKS. I LIFT MY GLASS AND TOAST TO YOU. THANK YOU.
BECAUSE OF THE LIES YOU TOLD ME, THE FALSE PROMISES THAT WERE WHISPERED IN MY EAR, THE DREAMS THAT WERE SOLD TO ME OF RICHES AND HAPPINESS I WOULD NEVER SEE, I FOLLOWED YOU FAITHFULLY BUT A VEIL OF DENIAL COVERED MY EYES REFRAINING ME TO SEE THE TRUTH. BECAUSE OF THE SLEEPLESS NIGHTS AND THE REVERSE PYSCHOLOGY THAT YOU ALWAYS SEEMED TO PULL ON ME, BUT I FELL FOR IT SO IT WAS MY FAULT IN A WAY YOU SEE. I ALLOWED YOU TO BRAINWASH A MIND THAT WAS ONCE PURE AND FOCUSED ON THE GOOD OF MANKIND AND GAVE YOU THE POWER TO IMPLANT DEVIOUS PLANS AND VISIONS THAT WERE UNTRUE OF ALL THOSE AROUND ME. IT CONSUMED ME. CONSUMED MY VERY BEING DEEP DOWN TO THE VERY CORE. I WAS NO LONGER WHO I SAID I WAS. NOTHING LESS NOTHING MORE. REALITY BECAME HARD TO DISTINGUISH AS I REMAINED IN A WARPED STATE OF MIND. NO LONGER WAS I MY OWN BUT A PRISONER TO SOCIETY , RELIGION  AND WORST OF ALL  YOU. YOU HEARTACHE. EVERYONE OUNCE OF ME, EVERY PART OF ME WAS BROKEN INTO TINY, UNSEEN, MICRO FRAGMENTS SCATTERED ACROSS AN OLD WOODEN FLOOR THAT CREAKED EVERY TIME I TOOK A STEP REMINDING ME OF A CHILDHOOD I HAD LONG BEFORE. AND FOR A LONG TIME HEARTACHE I BLAMED YOU, AND FOR A LONG TIME I DETESTED YOU, AND FOR A LONG TIME I LOATHED YOU DOWN TO VERY PIT OF YOU. I BLAMED YOU FOR IT ALL, MY ACTIONS, MY INTENSION , MY THOUGHT PROCESS, MY HUMAN BEHAVIOR, MY POOR HUMAN INTERACTION SKILLS, MY FEAR OF LOVING AGAIN...I BLAMED YOU. BUT AFTER MUCH DEEP THOUGHT, COMTEMPLATION I KNOW NOW NOT TO BLAME HEARTACHE BUT TO THANK IT. BECAUSE IT'S A LESSON LEARNED. EVERY EXPERIENCE , EVERY MOMENT IS A LESSON LEARNED. AND I AM WHO I AM TODAY BECAUSE OF YOU HEARTACHE. I AM STRONGER. WISER. LOVING. PASSIONATE. AND I CAN CONTINUE TO GO ON. BUT INSTEAD OF LISTING ALL THE WONDERFUL THINGS THAT I HAVE GAINED FROM LIFE I RATHER SHOW YOU. EACH DAY, EVERYDAY HEARTACHE ALL THAT I DO WILL BE TO SHOW YOU THAT I'M STILL HERE. 

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