Saturday, February 20, 2010

Restless Spirit-Random Writings from Cyn

I think that is what disconnects me from most people I come across. I don't feel that connection with others often. I'd listen as they speak, the things that come out of persons mouth can seriously turn me on or off in less than a second. I'm extremely observant of people, of my surroundings, of my enviroment. I pick up on changes quickly. Continously my mind is tinkering with thoughts, questions, ideas , motives and the list can go on for ages. The mind of a deep thinker is it a blessing or a curse. Maybe it is both. Others are non-passive of things but I find myself easily effected about what goes on in the world and what goes on in MY world. I won't show it in my actions or the expression on myself, I bury it deep within , deep within my heart layering it with fake smiles, with made up stories, with memories, with dreams and there it continues to be buried. When the rest of the world is fast and soundly asleep, I am avertly awake, blood shot eyes writing thoughts on paper, writing thoughts on my blog. I write it afraid I might forget it. I'm always on edge and wish that I can just live peacefully without a care in the world, but I live in fear constantly of things I am not forbidden to speak of. Theres a whole other world out there, a dark world. And I've been given glimpses of it here and there. I feel disconnected with the world, with humanity. Time and time again I pray the Lord will come for me soon, come for me fast. No these are not suicidal thoughts because I dont have the desire to take my own life and commit self murder. And life has its wonderous moments with the most amazing people, but how I long to be called home. I grow weary from having a restless spirit. But then again maybe my late night troubles are for a reason. A mind can conjure up radical and amazing things. Hence my many late night endevours in my books and writings, may it lead me to something GREAT.

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