Friday, May 14, 2010

Life-By Cynthia

So on Weds. May 12th I attended the budget cut rally down at City Hall. There was a fair number of people that showed up from different organizations. But my organization did not have a great turn out. Only 4 people out of 8 afterschool sites showed up to the Rally. Well being that first of all I have FMS which leads to me having terrible joint problems, I ended up standing in the pouring rain for 3 hours freezing , hands and body trembling, knuckles turning blue, losing feeling in my hands, legs and feet. So my knee's got stiff and I could feel them CRACK everytime I took a step to move. An irritating and uncomfortable feeling. So around 2:00 I could not longer stand and told my co-workers and Director I was going to head to work I could not stand any longer was in way too much pain. So while walking down the steps , which was very difficult for me, my left knee crack, buckeled, gave away and I almost fell down those City Hall steps. I caught my balance to only step down the wrong way and twisted my knee. I did not think much of it and tried to walk off the pain, but that was a huge mistake. All that walking and moving around at work caused my knee to swell up BIG time, I could not walk when I got home and went straight to bed. The next day [yesterday] I was done! In so much and unable to even walk to the bathroom. I called out of work and my father took me to the E.R at Beth Israel Medical Center. The hospital I had knee surgery in 7 years ago. So the doctor checked my knee, since no bones were broken an x-ray was NOT needed. But I may have torn a muscle/ligament which is what happened back when I had my surgery in 2003. So I had to schedule for an MRI which comes in June. If I did tear something, that will require a second surgery. I was given this huge gigantic knee brace that basically takes up my entire leg and a cane. With that came flashbacks of my senior year in HighSchool when I had my surgery and went to school every day with a wrapped up knee swollen the size of a grapefruit and a cane with 5 agonizing months of physical therapy. Now to go threw that all over again now that I am older and battling with FMS?! INSANE I TELL YOU! I'm just going to pray and try my best not to worry. Going under the knife and being put under anesthsia is scary and te recovery process is painful. Let me tell you life has not been easy for me, I know that there are others who have it far more worse than I do but at this moment I am thinking sellfishly for once. I'm allways putting others in front of myself. It's time I look after me.
This is going to be a journey. What to do.....What to do???

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