Saturday, July 17, 2010

Four Different Types of Abuse

                                           HURT PEOPLE, HURT PEOPLE

As I have shared several times depending on how comfortable I feel, I am a survivor (not a victim) of abuse.  To simply place or identify myself as a victim I am giving my attacker the upper-hand and power of my life. I am a Revolutionary Lady a member of Divas in Charge member.  I take control of my life, I control my destiny. I am a survivor of sexual, emotional and physical abuse. Many times the first thing people ask if it was by my father. And I answer "Hell to the No!" because my father was/is a fantastic man. Never did he mistreat me at one point in my life, I owe him everything. Everything he has done has been for his family, he is a self-less man that puts his children and wife first (before God). But I will say it was done by a family member, someone my family knew and by an ex boyfriend. I can be bitter and angry every time I look back and resent men as well as life. But....I do not. I went threw that for a reason. And I strongly and truely believe deep down in my heart it was to help other girls/women cope and get threw their situations. Its one thing to sit down and speak with a therapist , personally I don't always feel it helps. I mean do you really think they have gone threw what you went threw and have all that wisdom? Wisdom is having knowledge and life experience. Not everyone has life experience. But since I have gone threw it I can better relate to those currently dealing with abuse and trying to over come it.  

Abuse does not discriminate against anyone; race,color of your skin, age, sexual preference, religion, political views etc. Anyone can be a target.

There are FOUR different types of Abuse.
  1. Neglect
  2. Physical Abuse
  3. Sexual Abuse
  4. Emotional Abuse 

  • Neglect-Is the most common and frequent case of abuse that is often seen.  Some research claims children are more likely to be neglected if they're poor because parents are preoccupied with survival – but wealthy families definitely can and do neglect their kids. Neglect occurs when parents or guardians don't provide food, shelter, safety, supervision, clothes, education, attention, or medical treatment – often it's about what they don't do. This is an abusive relationship.

  • Physical abuse-can be the easiest of all four types of abuse to spot because the clues can be obvious when someone hits, slaps, beats, burns, kicks, or stabs you. However, there may not be evidence when someone grabs your arm, shakes you, or pushes you around – but that's definitely physical abuse. Abusive relationships can be easy to recognize.

  • Sexual abuse-is any form of touching, intercourse, or exploitation of your body. This includes taking pictures you for sexual purposes, asking you to touch someone else's private parts, and making sexual references to your body. Being forced to touch or have sex with your boyfriend or girlfriend against your will is sexual abuse. Abusive relationships can make you feel ashamed.

  •  Emotional abuse-is when someone threatens or humiliates you. This includes calling you names, putting you down, insulting you, or breaking your things. Control is a huge part of emotional abuse and involves chronic anger, jealousy, accusations, and distrust. This type of abuse is the hardest to spot because the injuries aren't physical or immediately visible. Emotional abuse can be mistaken for passionate or intense love. Abusive relationships don't always involve physical violence.

11 warning signs of emotional abuse:

  1. Constant phone calls, text-messages, e-mails, IMs, etc. to check up on you (harrassment)
  2. Extreme jealousy when you talk to or spend time with other people
  3. Name-calling or putting you down, either when you're alone or with other people.
  4. Behavior that you have to apologize or make excuses for.
  5. Statements like, "I can't live without you. If you leave me, I'll kill myself."
  6. You feel depressed, anxious, and unhappy in your relationship.
  7. You're scared to upset or make your partner angry.
  8. You've seen your partner hurt or talk down to other people.
  9. You're down on yourself, or even hate yourself, especially when you're together.
  10. You lie about the bruises or cuts you have.
  11. You don't spend as much time with your friends, and you feel isolated.

    Abuse is never okay, there is no excuse for it what so ever. Do not blame yourself. People have choices and are in control of their own actions. So to tell yourself that it is your fault he/she is abusing you please get that out of your head now. It is not. there are other methods that can be used to deal with anger issues. I used to blame myself. And come up with as many excuses as possible to justify his aggression. If you are in this situation or know someone in this situation. Staying quiet and not doing anything about it is the worst crime. Because the question that pops up is "What if" or "If I had only..." You do not want to wait until it is too late. You can not erase what has been done. So it is better to act now, risking the person hating you than to risk either your life or a friends life. Like in the NYC Transit Subways "See Something, Say Something". You are never alone to, just remember that. 

Links to read about Abuse

(State Central Register) at 1-800-342-3720 begin_of_the_skype_highlighting              1-800-342-3720

This link provides everything you need to know:

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