Thursday, August 26, 2010

We Can't be friends.

I think this is one of the perfect songs that speaks of my situation right now. Sometimes being friends does NOT help at all and what does actually help is having that person completely removed from your life. Some friendships are just not healthy. Especially if it is a never ending cycle of heartbreak.

I was dating someone on and off for two years now. No I will not mention his name. I fell in love with him. But as much as he cared he did not feel as strongly. He was always in and out of a BS relationship with his ex. I was wrong for allowing it and accepting him back all the time. The drama began with her.

That was not who I was. That drama filled person died a few years ago. This is supposed to be a new me and hear I am getting caught up in this madness allowing it to bring out the ugly in me. No No No, I can not have this.

So to make a long story short because I refuse to get into detail, it is now over. I do not know what the future holds nor do I want to know. Nothing is ever set in stone. But right now there is no longer an US. Making someone your priority when your not even an option on their list is a common mistake people make. Simply because we as humans care too much and we want so badly for the other person to feel the same. But we can not force feelings. It is what it is.

So as I am dealing with a broken heart I am also trying to find myself again. I lost track of myself, my wants and needs. What is best for Cyn. But everyday is a new day and everyday is an opportunity for a new beginning , to start fresh.

All I can do is look at this at a learning experience. Just take it and learn. Analyze it and make sure not to make the same mistakes in the future. I know what I deserve, I know my self worth. And I know I deserve way more than what I have been given this whole time. I have faith that my day will come where I will fall head over heels again and this time he will return the feelings. And there our journey will begin together.

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